4:30am

I have an anxiety problem. It hasn't been a huge problem in my life for awhile now, but this morning just BAM. Wake up at 4:30am and get so anxious that I can't sleep. So now I'm moody AND anxious. awesome.
So let me tell you my peer helping story. I was supposed to be placed in a math class with someone that I totally hate. Like I actually CANNOT work with her. Now that I think about it, this is probably karma for switching out of her class. So cody didn't have a placement either, so we both went for the same one. Then the next day the teacher tells us that only one of us can be there, and the other one has to go alone somewhere else. And I freaked out. The reason that I am taking this course is to work on my social skills, and my public speaking. But I need to take BABY STEPS people. I won;t be productive if I am just thrust into a position that I am totally uncomfortable with. Which is what was happening. Okay so back to my story. SO My friend Sean's partner said that she was dropping out of the class, so I could have her spot. I went and asked the teacher and she ok'd it. So I was feeling muc better, and a lot more confident. I also felt really bad because Cody had to be alone, which is not cool at all. And then yesterday, he dropped out of school.
Which brings me to my point. I guess I didn't realize this until 4:30 am, but what if my teacher makes me take Cody place in that class? It would so not be okay with me. So this is why I am up watching really really old reruns of Canada's Next Top Model. I can absolutely not get this thought out of my mind.
I know that Peer Helping class is about being a leader, but as I said before, I need to take baby steps. I'm not very confident, or outgoing, or loud. It is really hard for me to speak in front of a crowd, which is what this course is comprised of. I thought that if I went in, I would learn to be more confident, but this is totally out of my comfort zone. With a partner, I really think that I would be able to work on my skills. I would still be out of my comfort zone, but not so much that I would freeze up, and freak out.
I don't even know what I would do if I had to be alone. This class wouldn't be pleasent for me anymore. Which sucks. The coursework would be fine, but going to my placement would be horrible, and that isn't the experience that I wanted out of this class.
So this was a totally different blog from my last one. It was a poor me blog. Hopefully all goes well today, because if not, I don't know if I will be in school that much longer.