I'm sitting in my room this morning, watching the mom show and thinking about my future. I love to do that (think about my future that is). It calms me down, and makes me feel like I have somewhere to go in my life. Right now I'm looking at some pretty uncertain times coming up very very soon. And it scares me. I am terrified about what is going to happen this year. Will Chris and I go away? Will he not have enough money to go, so we will have to stay here? And if we have to stay here, will I have to go to Fanshawe, where they don't really offer the program that I want? I think about these things everyday. It worries me for many reasons. Number 1 is the fact that I know if we don't go away, and I don't go to Western, I will be settling big time, and not getting what I really want. And I don't want to go away without Chris. Our relationship just isn't made to be long distance for long periods of time. People can say that our relationship isn't strong, and that we should trust eachother enough, and love eachother enough to have a long distance relationship. But thats just not how it is, and we both know it. We just love to be around eachother, and we are eachother's support systems. Yes, we are way to dependant on one another, but we don't have many other friends to be dependant on. So that is my main concern. How university is going to affect my relationship. I don't want any regrets because of where we decide to go to school.
Another thing that worries me is the fact that I am comfortable here in London. I know this place, I know my favourite spots, and I know my friends. Moving to a completely different city is scary. I have to make new friends, and get used to a new place, and pretty much start all over. It is a huge opportunity, but what if I crash and burn?
Leaving the people here is probably the most worrying thing of all. I have great people that I can turn to like Cody, and Sean. It scares me that I won't be able to just go to starbucks to meet Sean, or play president with Cody during fourth period. I'm scared to stop talking to them, because they mean so much to me right now, and the have helped me through some of the hardest times in my life. I guess this part is kind of a response to Cody's latest blog. He said that Sean, and I mean a lot to him, and I hope that they both know how much they mean to me, because it's a lot.
I'm also afraid to move away from my family. I love them, and they all live in London (well my immediate family). They are so supportive of me, and everything that I do, and I don't want to leave my little safety net. My mom says that Barrie (where I am planning to go) is only 4 hours away, but I don't have a car, so that 4 hours seems a lot longer. And phone conversations just aren't the same.
So, as all of these thoughts run through my head everyday, I choose to think about my future. Fast forward to when I have a successful career (hopefully). I plan what I want my house to look like, What I want to name my kids, how many pets I want to have. I am even planning my wedding. I know the colours, and the date, and where I want to honeymoon already. It is so calming to envision a good life after university. And thinking into the future is exciting, because It has so much potential. Another great thing about this is that Chris does it too. His main concern is what our children will look like, but it is kind of surreal, talking about our future together. It's nice, and it lets us shake off all of the stress that we have right now.
So I'm starting another day of worry, and another day of confusion, but now, after writing this blog, I know that no matter what, I have great friends by my side, an amazing boyfriend who wants to be with me forever, and a family who will always support me.
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