Life Changing Events.

This year is not going to be what I expected. This past weekend I found out that I got accepted into Western, and Chris got accepted into Fanshawe. This fact changed our whole plan for our future. We talked and talked all of saturday about the pros and cons of staying here vs. going away. And we decided to stay here. Life changing event Number One. Deciding to stay here was a huge decision. Our whole plan for months now has been to go away, and live together. And it changed in a day. We are staying, and by doing that we aren't going to go into debt (well not as much as before), which will also change our future. I am really looking forward to going to Western. It's an awesome school, and I am not regretting our decision to stay, which is really wierd. The only problem with staying here is the fact that I won't be able to see Chris often, because our schedules will probably be different. Life changing event Number Two. My parents solved this problem for me, and I still can't believe this is happeneing. They said that Chris could live with us, until we move out (hopefully in second year). I thought that they were joking when they said this the first time, but they weren't. They are actually really serious about it. And so is Chris. He was hesitant at first, but the idea grew on him, and he told me yesterday morning that no matter what, he is moving in with me.
So it's settled. We are staying in London, and he is moving in with me in August. My whole future plan changed in about a day. It's amazing, and I am still processing it.

Unappreciated

Is how I'm feeling right now. I feel like all people do in my life is take take take from me. It's wearing me down. I need some give in my relationships. Call me selfish, I could care less.

*You are the styrofoam peanuts to the poorly-packed cardboard of my soul'

I'm sitting in my room this morning, watching the mom show and thinking about my future. I love to do that (think about my future that is). It calms me down, and makes me feel like I have somewhere to go in my life. Right now I'm looking at some pretty uncertain times coming up very very soon. And it scares me. I am terrified about what is going to happen this year. Will Chris and I go away? Will he not have enough money to go, so we will have to stay here? And if we have to stay here, will I have to go to Fanshawe, where they don't really offer the program that I want? I think about these things everyday. It worries me for many reasons. Number 1 is the fact that I know if we don't go away, and I don't go to Western, I will be settling big time, and not getting what I really want. And I don't want to go away without Chris. Our relationship just isn't made to be long distance for long periods of time. People can say that our relationship isn't strong, and that we should trust eachother enough, and love eachother enough to have a long distance relationship. But thats just not how it is, and we both know it. We just love to be around eachother, and we are eachother's support systems. Yes, we are way to dependant on one another, but we don't have many other friends to be dependant on. So that is my main concern. How university is going to affect my relationship. I don't want any regrets because of where we decide to go to school.
Another thing that worries me is the fact that I am comfortable here in London. I know this place, I know my favourite spots, and I know my friends. Moving to a completely different city is scary. I have to make new friends, and get used to a new place, and pretty much start all over. It is a huge opportunity, but what if I crash and burn?
Leaving the people here is probably the most worrying thing of all. I have great people that I can turn to like Cody, and Sean. It scares me that I won't be able to just go to starbucks to meet Sean, or play president with Cody during fourth period. I'm scared to stop talking to them, because they mean so much to me right now, and the have helped me through some of the hardest times in my life. I guess this part is kind of a response to Cody's latest blog. He said that Sean, and I mean a lot to him, and I hope that they both know how much they mean to me, because it's a lot.
I'm also afraid to move away from my family. I love them, and they all live in London (well my immediate family). They are so supportive of me, and everything that I do, and I don't want to leave my little safety net. My mom says that Barrie (where I am planning to go) is only 4 hours away, but I don't have a car, so that 4 hours seems a lot longer. And phone conversations just aren't the same.
So, as all of these thoughts run through my head everyday, I choose to think about my future. Fast forward to when I have a successful career (hopefully). I plan what I want my house to look like, What I want to name my kids, how many pets I want to have. I am even planning my wedding. I know the colours, and the date, and where I want to honeymoon already. It is so calming to envision a good life after university. And thinking into the future is exciting, because It has so much potential. Another great thing about this is that Chris does it too. His main concern is what our children will look like, but it is kind of surreal, talking about our future together. It's nice, and it lets us shake off all of the stress that we have right now.
So I'm starting another day of worry, and another day of confusion, but now, after writing this blog, I know that no matter what, I have great friends by my side, an amazing boyfriend who wants to be with me forever, and a family who will always support me.

Maybe Two Is Better Than One

So Friday night was semi formal 2010. Chris and I got all dressed up, waited outside in the cold, and danced the night away. I had a really great time, which was suprising considering we left the halloween dance in under an hour. We saw other friends, and hung out near them, but the night was mostly ours. I loved it. Then we came home, and crashed in my bed. It was excellent. The next morning, I woke up to see him sleeping beside me with his hair all over the place. I love waking up before him and seeing him like that. He looks absolutely perfect in those moments. You probably didn't need to know that but whatever. After he woke up, we watched the Westminister Dog Show, and talked about our lives together, and how we want like 8 dogs, 2 pigs, and 3 kids. I love doing that with him. It makes me feel good, because he is just as excited about our future together as I am. Chris is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He will do almost anything for me, and I'm realizing that I will do almost anything for him. It's amazing that someone like him exists. Someone who can take all of my crap, and know me enough to know that I don't mean half of the bad shit that I say. Someone who will stay by me through anything, and still love me for the disfunctional girl that I am. Someone who really does love me.

Busy Busy Day

So today is going to be such a busy stressful day. I have an accounting test first period, then a peer helping tutorial which I am leading. Hopefully that goes well. That's probably what I'm the most nervous about. Being on the spot and no one answering the questions that Sean and I ask. ahh. Then in 5th period I have a quiz and I have to hand in the first part of my ISP. So something in like EVERY one of my classes today.
And to top it all off (on a better note) Semi formal is tonightt :D I'm excited because I love my dress, and I love my boyfriend. I hope it will be a great time !

Well thats really all I have to say. I may blog about semi, I may not. Hopefully I stay for more then an hour.

Valentine's Day

Oh Valentine's Day. The time of year when single people get to feel bad about not having someone, and people in a relationship get to feel bad if their special someone doesn't meet their extreme Valentine's day expectations. A hallmark holiday as most people call it.
Now I don't think that Valentine's Day is all bad. It's nice to get something, and to be reminded that someone loves you. It's also nice to remind someone that you love them. But I mean how far do you have to go to do that? People go out to lavish resturants, and plan huge affairs just to show someone that they love them. Even cards are expensive now. (The one I got Chris was like 7 bucks at shoppers !). I don't think that people need to spend money to show how much they love eachother, when there are so many different things that people can do.
This is my second Valentine's day with Chris. He bought me some nice flowers, and then we ordered dinner with my mom. We came home, ate, tried to watch our favourite TV show, and then fell asleep by 8:30. Haha we were really into the spirit this year. Last year's was better. Chris came over, and I had my room all filled with candles, and I had made a big heart shaped cake. We iced the cake together, went downstairs and ate almost all of it.
My point is that Valentine's day doesn't have to be a day where you go out and spend money. I was perfectly content to spend it at home in the presence of someone who I love very much.
Also, I believe that Valentine's day is more for single people who want to hook up, or new relationships. Once you get into a long-term relationship, Valentine's day isn't that big of a deal. It's a nice day to spend with a loved one, but it's not huge. In my opinion, Christmas is a more romantic holiday than Valentines day.
That's just my opinion though. Feel free to disagree.
Hope everyone had a great Valentine's day, no matter who you spent it with, or what you were doing.

Fearless.

4:30am

I have an anxiety problem. It hasn't been a huge problem in my life for awhile now, but this morning just BAM. Wake up at 4:30am and get so anxious that I can't sleep. So now I'm moody AND anxious. awesome.
So let me tell you my peer helping story. I was supposed to be placed in a math class with someone that I totally hate. Like I actually CANNOT work with her. Now that I think about it, this is probably karma for switching out of her class. So cody didn't have a placement either, so we both went for the same one. Then the next day the teacher tells us that only one of us can be there, and the other one has to go alone somewhere else. And I freaked out. The reason that I am taking this course is to work on my social skills, and my public speaking. But I need to take BABY STEPS people. I won;t be productive if I am just thrust into a position that I am totally uncomfortable with. Which is what was happening. Okay so back to my story. SO My friend Sean's partner said that she was dropping out of the class, so I could have her spot. I went and asked the teacher and she ok'd it. So I was feeling muc better, and a lot more confident. I also felt really bad because Cody had to be alone, which is not cool at all. And then yesterday, he dropped out of school.
Which brings me to my point. I guess I didn't realize this until 4:30 am, but what if my teacher makes me take Cody place in that class? It would so not be okay with me. So this is why I am up watching really really old reruns of Canada's Next Top Model. I can absolutely not get this thought out of my mind.
I know that Peer Helping class is about being a leader, but as I said before, I need to take baby steps. I'm not very confident, or outgoing, or loud. It is really hard for me to speak in front of a crowd, which is what this course is comprised of. I thought that if I went in, I would learn to be more confident, but this is totally out of my comfort zone. With a partner, I really think that I would be able to work on my skills. I would still be out of my comfort zone, but not so much that I would freeze up, and freak out.
I don't even know what I would do if I had to be alone. This class wouldn't be pleasent for me anymore. Which sucks. The coursework would be fine, but going to my placement would be horrible, and that isn't the experience that I wanted out of this class.
So this was a totally different blog from my last one. It was a poor me blog. Hopefully all goes well today, because if not, I don't know if I will be in school that much longer.

Love Love Love.

I am LOVING my life right now :) So I decided to blog about it. Everything seems to be coming together, which rarely happens with me. Chris and I have both gotten accepted to Georgian college, so we are moving to Barrie ! I'm so excited, and also a little nervous (but I will save talking about that for another blog). I am doing great in my classes, and I am actually learning a lot which is really nice. I was right when I said that Peer Helping was going to kick my ass. It is kicking it into shape. I love it. I love that I am so organized this semester. It makes me feel good about myself, which I haven't felt in a long time. I'm also finding out that some people actually do care about me. This week when I tweeted/facebooked that I was moving to Barrie because I got accepted to Georgian college, only two people said anything. Cody McLean, and Kirstyn Hughes. That really meant so much to me. I dont think that they even know. So Cody or Kirstyn, if you are reading this : Thank you so much :) It really meant a lot. I am starting to learn that friendships really do need to be worked on, and that they can spring up from anywhere as long as you are willing to give it a chance. I am also very proud of my relationship with Chris right now. We are doing better then we ever have before, and that makes me so happy. We are truly eachothers best friends, and thats just the way I would like it to be. I've begun to appreciate how much he knows about me, and how much he is involved with my life, and his role in it. It has been a long time coming, but at least I got there. I am working on a lot of things right now. I am working on organizational skills (with my coursework this semester), my relationship skills (with friends, my family, and my boyfriend), and also on some other negative things that I don;t like about myself. I think that I have started to become a new me, and I love it.

I know that this blog sounds self absorbed, but I don't usually have a lot of good things to say about myself. So I decided to maybe give myself a little pat on the back. This change has been needed to be done for a long time, and I am finally taking control of my life.

It feels great.

Thank you to everyone in my life, because the little things that you do for me are what keeps me going !

Love Love Love.

The First Week

The first week of school has ended (finally). It was a pretty eventful week. I got into a couple of colleges. Which I am happy about, but I am waiting to get accepted or declined from university. Also, Chris got into college. It was my worst fear that he wouldn't get in, and when he told me that he did, I started to bawl my eyes out.
This week has made me really emotional. Probably because of the acceptance letters. It means that I don't have to stay in London. That my future is actually coming up, and I'm going to have to make some pretty big life decisions really soon. It scares me to think about it. I now have to get ready to move away from my home and my family and the city that I have lived in almost all of my life.
Starting fresh scares me. I'm comfortable right now, I know some people, I know how to get around my school, and I know this town.
Now I'm being thrust into a new situation, almost a new life. I awknowledge that it is a time of opportunity, and it could be amazing, but in the back of my pessemist mind, doubts are arising. What if I'm not good enough? What if I change my mind about what I want to do? What if I lose all of my money?
I always have doubts. It's like programmed into my brain. I am a pessemist.
But there is some hope. Sometimes I believe in myself. Sometimes I believe that I will make the right decisions. Sometimes I believe that this life is the life that I am supposed to be living. But only sometimes.

Groundhog Day

Today was the first day of second semester and it went pretty well I must say. i have accounting with my love :D and many other fun people, then Peer helping with Sean and Cody, and Individuals and Families in a Diverse Society with Kirstyn. So not a bad semester. Better then Chris's (He has asses in most of his classes lol). So I feel kind of bad for him. You see nothing ever comes easy for Chris. Like nothing comes easy in life blah blah blah, but in his case its worse. I feel so bad for him sometimes, because there are some things that I just can't help him with, and I hate just sitting there and watching him suffer. Hopefully something good will come around for him because he definately deserves it. I just wish other people would realize it.

To add on to my worrying about Chris, I'm also worrying about Peer Helping. I'm really looking forward to it, but it is going to be my most challenging class.It is going to be such a challenge because it is all about leadership which includes a lot of public speaking (which absolutely TERRIFIES me), but I think that I will learn a lot of things from it, and hopefully improve myself in many ways.

Also, this semester is going to be pretty stressful because University letters are coming out starting today ! And I have no idea what I want to do. I guess where Chris and I get accepted will be the major deciding factor obv, but I'm just nervous about moving away if I have to. Its so crazy thinking about leaving my house, and my parents. like AHHH. I love my family, and I will be the only one who doesn't live in London if I live. Crazy Crazy things to think about right now.

It's actually exhausting to think about all of the big changes that are going to be going on in my life in the next few months, but I do know that whatever happens, I my family and Chris will be there through it all, and that is a very comforting thought <3

I Need To Get My Act Together

I need to get my act together like permanently.

I don't know what happened to me, but I am definately not the same person that I was a few years ago. I know that people 'grow up' and change. But I think that I have changed for the worst.

I am so antisocial these days. And its like I want to have good friends, but I'm just such an introvert that it is hard for me to make them. I don't know. Sometimes, I miss having the huge group of friends that I used to have, and sometimes I don't. I miss feeling like I belong in a group, and like I have people that I can go to. But I guess I put myself in the situation that I am in right now. I just can't seem to keep friends. I haven't figured out why yet. I'm probably too critical, or too boring (my favourite pass time is reading, not really a thing you can do in a group setting), and I never know the right things to say. I'm horrible at starting, and keeping conversations going. Add all of those factors up together, and it equals ALONE.

Now I'm not totally alone. I have Christopher, although I don't know for how long seeing as how I treat him like crap. He doesn't deserve that, I think that it may be me venting out all of mu frustrations on him, because he is the only one around, and I feel safe with him. But he doesn't deserve that shit. He never has deserved anything like that. I love him so much, I really do, but I just can't seem to stop myself from hurting him.

So that brings me to the fact that I really do have to get my act together. I have to do it for Chris, who is the greatest thing to ever walk into my life.
But I also have to do it for me. I don't like the person that I have become. I've spent too long feeling sorry for myself, and blaming others, but I've come to realize that I am the problem. I need the fixing, not anyone else.

So here it goes. Time to change, time to become a better person, time to get my act together, because if I don't, I will lose the love of my life, the few friends that I have now, and I will lose myself.

<3

It's time to get my act together

Movie List - One Down.

Yesterday was movie day, and Chris and I checked one thing off of mine (I guess it's kind of 'our') list. We watched all of the X-Men movies ! And I loved them :) The last one was a bit jumpy though. And killing off everyone might not have been the best move, but overall it was a great movie.

I have decided that Storms powers are the ones that I would want the most. Because I could control the weather which would be pretty sweet, because the kind of weather I like doesn't come around too often (nice calm winter days with a little snow[this winter hasn't had many of those yet], and thunderstorms[which we don't get much here, and I'm always asleep when we do]) I think her powers are awesomeee !

I also liked the fact that they were dealing with the "cure" thing. It was a cool thing to add into the movie, but they could've made the movie a lot longer if they had;ve expanded the story. Which would've been nice.

Overall I loved all of the movies. And Chris and I had a good time watching them.

People probably HATE watching movies with Chris and I, because we feel the need to comment on like every little thing. Which is exactly what we did yesterday. My mom and dad were probably totally annoyed with us, because we almost never stopped talking. We just can't seem to not comment lol (if that sentence made any sense).

Yesterday, I also watched the Miss America Pageant ! (while Chris was gone for a bit). And it was good. Although I can't really believe that we still have pageants. I mean isn;t that a little sexist in some people's eyes(Now there is something that you should know about me, I don't really like/participate in this feminism thing. Not that I think we should go back to where women were in the kitchen, but I'm just not a feminist okey dokey). I loved the cheesy State intro's, some of them were hilarious. I wonder if they write them themselves. Probably not, but it would be cool if they did. I think that pageants would be kind of fun to participate in (if you went in with the right attitude). I mean you say something about yourself, you strut yourself in a bathing suit, then you put in a princess dress and walk across the stage. I know that it must be way harder then that, but I mean it could be a fun thing to do. lol.

I don't know what made yesterday so good. It could've been the fact that Chris and I didn't fight (well I shouldn't say that, I should say 'I wasn't trying to fight with Chris, because he hardly ever fights with me.' Or it could've been the great movies, or the good food (Angelo's meat pie, and greek pasta salad, and crazy bread from Little Cesars). MMMM. It was a pretty great dinner lol.

But whatever it was, I had a great day, and I hope that today is just as good.

Chris and I are going to watch the Lord of the Rings (start watching). They are some of my favourite movies :D So I'm pretty excited about that.

That is about all there is to say for right now. So I'm crossing my fingers hoping that today goes well (Isn't it sad that I have to do that?).

Movie Day !

So today is moviee dayyy at the Demers residence ! Chris and I (and probably my daddy) are going to watch the X-Men movies (minus X-Men Origins because we watched it last night). BUT first, we have to go rent the movies seeing as my copies of them aren't working :( Which brings us to a problem. I don't know when blockbuster opens ! They don't have opening times on their website (because they suck), and I'v ebeen calling for like the past half hour. So OBV they aren't open right now, but the mystery stil remains. When the fuck do they open ?! lol.

I'm pretty excited to watch these movies today. Just to let everyone know. I haven't seen the third one ! So I'm excited to watch it :) AND Hugh Jackman is amazing :) Like really.

OH and the Grammy's are on tonight ! I'm excited to watch them ahhh :D

So as you can see, I have a lot of shit to watch today. I better get started. I'm off to find the phone again and call blockbuster so I can get my movie day started !

LISTS

Lists, Lists, Lists. Lists like RULE MY LIFE. I love to make them just ask my boyfriend. If we want to plan something, I'm like lets make a list. It's my solution to almost everything. So I think that I should share some of my lists :) I have a bucket list, a movies to watch list, and a video game to do list. I will update you when I complete something okay :D So here it goes (oh btw I'm watching MuchMusic right now and Adam Lambert's song is like totally depressing me)

List #1 - Video Game To-Do List.

• Beat Ocarina of Time with EVERYTHING (Heart pieces etc.)


• Beat Majora's Mask with EVERYTHING (Masks etc.) -ALMOST DONE-


• Get all of the banana's in DK64


• Get all of the characters in my Mario Party games -STARTED-


• Get all of the Stars in Super Mario 64


• Be able to do all of the super moves (or w.e they're called) in the New Super Mario Bros. Wii


• Beat every Zelda game created (That will take me awhile, seeing as I don't have them all). -FINISHED SOME-


• Learn how to play Final Fantasy (I can't play the playstation for the life of me)


• Actually finish Luigi's Mansion (I have this thing where I play a game and NEVER finish it)


• Beat all of the Harry Potter games ( I only have one :)

I will probably add more later, and I'm also open to suggestions !

List #2 - Movies To Watch (now in this list, I have seen almost all of these movies, but these are ideas for theme nights/movie nights)

• Lord Of The Rings Trilogy (some of my all-time favourite movies)


• Harry Potter Series (This can't be completed until Deathly Hallows parts 1&2 come out. OH I forgot to mention that I am a HUGE Harry Potter Fan. Like HUGE. Don't even try to judge me :P)


• All of the X-Men movies (I have yet to see the third one, and the Wolverine one-DONE-)


• Shark Night (Jaws movies, Red water[My FAV shark movie], Deep Blue Sea etc)


• Pirates of the Carribean (I LOVE pirates. Especially ones that look like Johnny Depp)


• Scary Movies( Themed a.k.a Zombie Night, Ghost Night[I will fill you in on the list os movies I watch on these nights])


• Vin Diesel Night (mmm..Riddick movies, XXX, Fast&Furious)


• The Mummy Movies (with Brendan Fraser! Mummy, Mummy Returns, Scorpian King, and the new on that I totally didn't see)

That's all for now. BUT this will defiantely have to be added to :)

List #3 - Bucket List (Probably the most important & LONGEST list :D)

*NOTE: These are in no particular order*

• Go to a HIM concert in finland (HIM is my absolute FAVOURITE band of all time)


• Read the 501 recommended books in my book that I bought


• Watch the 501 movies to see list that Jenna is doing right now (You should read her blog about it. It's very interesting :D)


• Get a Finnish Spitz (That's a dog) and name him (or her) Valo.


• Get a tattoo


• Buy a House (then decorate it to the MAX for Christmas[My favourite time of the year])


• Go to the Eiffel(sp?) tower


• Get Married


• Learn to snowboard


• Go to the X-Games


• Go to Warped Tour


• Go to Taste of Chaos


• Go to a T. Swift concert


• Learn to paint (haha which will probably NEVER happen)


• Open a bookstore


• Plan a wedding (That isn't my own)


• Go Bungee Jumping (even though I'm TOTALLY afraid of heights)


• Have a spa day


• Plan a suprise party for someone


• Finish writing in my book "Harry Potter Should Have Died" (http://www.mugglenet.com/ hit it uppp !)


• Go to England (and buy as much HP stuff as I can. lmfao)


• Collect all of the Harry Potter Ultimate Editions (I already have the 1st & 2nd)


• Cook a full course turkey dinner


• Work at a job I actually like


• Go to Las Vegas


• Watch a whole season of Hockey/Football (only 1 team of course)


• Go to an NFL game


• Buy a piglet (and name it Herman)


• Go to Wizarding World


• Go on a Harry Potter Tour

As with the other two lists, This will be added to and updated as well :D

Pretzels & Coke

Hello all. So I've been surfing the web (yeah I said that) for like hours now, and I have decided to follow in the footsteps of my bestest friend and make a blog. Fun times :) I feel so internet savvy (though I'm really not). So this first blog entry will be kind of an about me I guess. My name is Lauren Noel Demers (I love my name btw), I have brown hair, green eyes, and I'm like 5'5".

Now that that crap is over with, onto bigger and better things. Like pretzels and coke, which I am eating right now. It's like 11:45 and this is my first meal of the day. Hmm maybe this is why I am so sick all the time (like now). It would probably help if I knew how to cook : which I don't obviously. I really do need to learn seeing as I'm planning on moving out at the end of this year.

Which brings me to my NEXT subject - The end of this year. I'm in grade 13 (VICTORY LAP) and I really do not want to go back to school for another semester. It's going to be a nerve-wracking semester, what with University and college acceptance/decline letters on the way. I hope they get it over with FAST. You see my boyfriend and I are planning on going away (or staying in London) together. So hopefully we both get accepted to where we want to go ! Also, a lot of people aren't coming back for 2nd semester this year. Which will make it even suckier (haha) because I will have to deal with bratty grade 12's who I don't care about ! Sounds like a fun couple of months doesn't it?

Well I'm going to stop bitching now (which I do alot BTW) and post another entry involving LISTS ! Talk to you soon :)